In this video, leadership expert Dennis McIntee shares the top tool for minimizing overreactions so you can save your emotional energy for what matters and stay emotionally regulated even in stressful situations. In the high-pressure world of health care, learning how to control your response can help you protect your peace, stay focused, and make better decisions.

Be honest: have you ever overreacted to something small? Maybe it was a missed email, a colleague dropping the ball, or a minor personal annoyance. Before you know it, you’re spending time and energy cleaning up the mess of your overreaction when you could be using that emotional energy for something else. That’s what I call emotional waste. 

The Yardstick: Finding Your Number

Emotional waste is a top reason professionals feel drained and burned out. This happens when you spend energy correcting your reactions instead of responding appropriately in the first place.

So the question I encourage everyone to answer is this: What’s your number?

Imagine your life as a yardstick. Every event you’ve experienced can be placed on a scale from 0 to 100. At the top of the scale is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Maybe it’s a personal tragedy, a major loss, or a life-threatening event. Get that number clearly in your mind. That’s your 100.

Everything else fits somewhere below it. When your spouse forgets to mow the lawn, that’s a 5 or a 10. Your kids forgetting to do the dishes might be a 2. Maybe a small miscommunication with another physician was a 15.

I find that most daily irritations and frustrations don’t exceed a 20. Yet, how often do we treat a 10 like an 80? That mismatch between the event and our response is what burns up emotional energy unnecessarily.

Now, there are a few situations where a strong response is justified: someone is bleeding, something is on fire, someone isn’t breathing, or something is under water. (Feel free to overreact!) But outside of these emergencies, the goal is to match your response to the event.

How Emotional Waste Affects Physicians

Health care professionals operate in high-stakes environments. Every day, you make life-altering decisions. You face emotional burnout, care fatigue, and constant stress. It’s easy to start feeling like everything is an emergency, and that constant state of urgency can erode your emotional resilience. Over time, this leads to exhaustion, reduced empathy, and even a loss of the joy that originally drew you to your career.

The yardstick gives you a tool to recalibrate. By assigning a number to each situation, you give yourself perspective and prevent overreactions. Your emotions are helpful signals, but you can maintain control over how strongly you react.

Putting It Into Practice

Here’s how to use the tool in your day-to-day life:

— Identify your 100: What’s the worst event you’ve ever experienced? Keep that number in mind as your reference at the top of the scale.

— Assign numbers to everyday events: Whenever you encounter a frustration or annoyance, place it on the 0–100 scale. (Most daily irritations fall under a 20.)

— Match your response: Respond proportionally to the number you’ve assigned.

For example, imagine a colleague misses a meeting. Your first impulse might be irritation, frustration, or even sarcasm. But then you ask yourself, “What number is this on my scale?” With a pause, you can realize it’s a 5, not a 50. Your response then becomes measured, calm, and intentional.

Or consider a patient situation that is frustrating but not dangerous. Maybe a family member is upset about a schedule change. Instead of reacting defensively, you assess the number (perhaps a 10 or 15) and respond in a way that addresses the concern without letting it derail your day.

This approach works for any situation, big or small. Aligning your emotional response with the event helps you preserve energy, reduce conflict, and rediscover joy in your role. 

Your Emotional Energy Bank Account

Using this tool has ripple effects throughout your personal and professional life. When you prevent emotional waste, you have more energy to focus on what truly matters to you. 

Think of your emotional energy as a bank account. Each unnecessary overreaction is a withdrawal. If you make too many withdrawals on minor events, you end up emotionally bankrupt when a real crisis occurs. 

Knowing your number helps you channel your emotions appropriately. That’s the key to emotional regulation.

Next Steps for Emotional Regulation

Start today by picking one small irritation or frustration. Ask yourself, “What number is this on my scale?” Then, respond accordingly. Over time, this will become second nature.

If you want to dive deeper, you can access a free Emotional Regulation e-course that expands on this tool, provides practical exercises and shows you how to integrate it into your daily life.

The next time you feel that spike of frustration, pause and ask, “What’s my number?” Use it as a mental yardstick to guide your response. As a result, you’ll save emotional energy, prevent unnecessary stress, and protect your relationships.

Your emotions are valuable guideposts, but you need to know how to regulate them. Asking “What’s the number?” gives you the power to respond rather than react.

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